


It's been 8 years

by ginger_green



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Everyone Needs A Hug, I Made Myself Cry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 19:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11214252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger_green/pseuds/ginger_green
Summary: 8 years since Zeke's death, Levi still sees Erwin in his dreams.





	It's been 8 years

“How… did it come to this, Erwin?”

For how long has he been asking this question? And yet, the Commander would never answer. They now stood in the middle of nothing, in the desert that used to be someone’s hometown and someone’s cage to hide in, within the god-brought wall Maria, _thank her and literally everything that is still fine, intact, and well_. Now there was nothing but burnt grass and ruined stone houses, with no roofs but the white clouds in the otherwise clear sky. Erwin looked at Levi with a pained expression on his face, and his blue eyes went darker when he made another step towards Levi’s side. It stunned Levi’s sight just how beautiful he was, green fabric against his pale skin, white right sleeve of the uniform fluttering in the wind and the left one loose around the strong, rough-edged wrist. It hurt to look the Commander in the eye. There was just too much light in them.

And yet, with every step Erwin was making towards him, it felt like Levi’s body gradually started burning. Anger and pain rose inside, like waves in the open sea sometimes do when the storm is about to come. Erwin reached his hand up to Levi’s face, eyes filled with grief.

“Levi, I–”

“SHUT UP!!”

Erwin shivered at this scream and stopped, as if it had paralyzed his body.

“Why… can’t you just… shut THE FUCK up?..”, Levi continued. He could feel his hands clench, sharp edges of the nails bursting through his skin. He trembled. It’d been nearly an eternity since he yelled at his Commander like that. Such a long time he couldn’t even remember it happening.

“Levi”, Commander’s voice was kind and silent, like a gentle touch, “If you could listen to me for a minute, I would explain. Please.”

“Ain’t no good list’ning to you. I’ve tried. I’ve always listened. You think ‘t was such a good deal?.. I’ve trusted you. I’ve been through all kinds of shit just to see your face every once in a while. And that shitty smile on it, too.”

The words tasted familiar as he rambled them. They were worn and useless. For how long had it been impossible to let go of the circling phrases that kept haunting him, sometimes for days and days, leaving only a small window open into the outside world - so he could walk, breathe, eat, _exist_ , dreaming of one single day to yet live through.

“I’ve promised to avenge you, Erwin. And it’s been eight years since I’ve done so.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Levi looked at him, his eyes full of tears and the sight of his Commander blurred and wobbling before him.

“It’s been eight years, Erwin, for fuck’s sake… Why does it keep hurtin’ me so much?”

There’s no answer to this question, too. There never is.

And it all goes brighter and brighter, so painfully obvious, so clear and vivid that it’s not up to Levi’s strength to keep his mind in that strange place anymore. It all goes white, and the shining light washes the dream away. And someone’s voice keeps waking him, until he raises his head from the hard pillow in his own darkened room.

“Levi? Levi, are you okay?”

Bending over the bed, Hange nudges him anxiously and whispers the question right into his face.

“..Yeah”, he replies. “ ‘The fuck are you doin’ here?”

“I’ve heard you.”

“What?”

“You cried again.”

He sighs and tosses in the bed, and turns his head to the wall, pretending to still be sleepy and casual enough for them to stop worrying.

“Go away.”

“..You sure? Don’t wanna talk… this time?”

“I’m sure. Thanks. Go to bed.”

They do, without even reminding him of the rank they now occupy and the responsibility that is now theirs, which would make his emotional stability their natural area of interest.

It’s been eight years since they started hearing Levi crying in the night, every now and then.

**Author's Note:**

> Previously published on tumblr: https://gingergreencoffee.tumblr.com/post/161123745454/its-been-8-years  
> Thanks thedarkbeginnings for editing and support. You're the best.


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